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I theorise that the next teen lingo will be colours. For example:
Sally and Mary, two “hip” teenage girls. Sally is trying on a skirt and asks Mary for an opinion.
Mary replies, “You look so orange!” in an admiring tone.
Sally looks disappointed and says, “I want to look red for the party.
Another example is two boys are teasing another
uncouth boy. The first boy calls the unpopular boy “green” and
“unblue”. The second boy might say “If he were any greener he
would be yellow.” The unpopular might then scream, “You two are so
brown!”
A feature wall is so important to show how nice a colour is, especially
if it were a dark colour. If all of your walls were a deep purple, all
that people would notice would be how dark the room appeared. If only
one wall was purple and the rest were a lighter colour or white, then
the colour would stand out more and the room would remain light.
What are you meant to do when you get annoyed at someone and you go off
and rant inside yourself, but by the time you next see them, the
annoyance has died down and you don’t say anything, because you don’t
think there is any reason to? Then the same thing happens again. Does
it mean that they have something that they don’t know they do or
realise it annoys you, so you should tell them or is it just because
you happen to be in a bad mood at the time and normally you wouldn’t
notice this trait/ habit/ whatever it is? In fact, I almost removed
this as I thought it was me being hormonal and whatnot.
The perfect job for an obese girl (therefore any girl) is a fridge door
to door sales person. Imagine how much fun it would be to help people
upgrade their food storage unit/s. You have all of this power over
everybody. If they don’t buy your food storage unit, then their food
might go off and when they go to eat it they might die. As well as the
rest of the household and any guests. You would know what it feels like
to be a superhero. You would inspire the unemployed to get jobs, not
just upgrading food storage units, but very cold food storage unit, for
the very elite unemployed girls. Next time you do something, check to
see how many people died of eating off food. I bet it’s more than it
should be. Do you part, girls, save the world. I do not recommend this
job for the males as they would be inefficient and double the death
rate. Either that or have really cool fridge wars. Take your pick.
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Fighting never solved anything. Except for wars.
If people started to carry around mirrors that would show the person
looking into it how they would look if the had the figure of the person
holding the mirror, would it produce a good or bad result? If a plump
person looked into the mirror of a fairly large persons mirror, would
the plump person be grateful that they don’t have that kind of a figure
or would they assume that that is how everybody perceives them? If a
slim person looked into a very skinny persons mirror, would they think
that they look awful with that kind of figure or would they then think
how they should look like that and strive to be thinner? The sad truth
is, in my opinion, is that they would only ever see the negative. Well,
I guess I’ve answered my own question. Dismissed!
Man her feet are so small if you looked at them you’d say, “Huh, she has no feet.”
Imagine if freezers froze your item and then could be programmed defrost
the item at just the right time. Defrosting manually would become a
thing of the past. Of course, you would have to remember when you have
to take it out or it would go yuck. Actually, it would have a built in
deyucktifier. If you don’t collect the item within half-an-hour, it
would be covered in citric acid, that way it won’t wreck the other
food. Man, this is a terrible invention. But, I will allow people to
somehow make 7.645 billion dollars from this invention and give me 90%
of the profits. Really, go ahead.
I mean honestly, who overestimates the amount of soup they want?
Wow, I have been so busy doing nothing of great importance over the last few
weeks. Sorry I haven’t updated and that this update isn’t terribly
brilliant (it still is brilliant, just not terribly brilliant). So to
all of my loyal fans and hated enemies (I can’t tell you guys apart, so
I figured I’d group you together) sorry for not updating. Have a
quilled gift card. To those that do not read this, I hate you.
Is it weird to crave drinking orange juice with a spoon?
To Vickie Lee, should you be reading this, I been very busy and have
not yet replied to your email. This is what I have written so far.
"Hi!
Sorry I haven't replied in a while.
We had to wipe my Sims 2 computer and now I can't download anything, so
I have no idea what you sent me. =(. I do have Nightlife and am looking
forward to Open for Business. I hope they have a pets one soon."
If you no longer read this, then I guess I should email that to you as
well. I give you one week to reply to this and then I guess I will send
it to you. I hope we can get back into contact soon.
Fare well loyal readers!
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Today I thought I had found a two ended fork. It had the four forky
prongs on the one and and another four forky prongs on the other end.
Think of all the possibilities.
"Waiter, my fork is covered in tomato sauce ond I am wishing to eat
something where adding tomato sauce to it would cause deadly results.
Most likely imploding, death, allergic reactions, suing and all manner
of other equally unpleasant things."
"Don't worry sir and or madam, simply flip the fork over!"
"Wow! This is a great invention! Waiter, I herby appoint you the knight
of preventing tomato sauce coming into contact with things that will
react badly, resulting in a very bad way. Also here is a Tony and or a
Golden Globe."
"Thank you your majesty, King and or Queen of appointing ridiculous titles."
"No problem sir and or lady of preventing tomato sauce coming into
contact with things that will react badly, resulting in a very bad way.
Oh and thanks for the forky tip!"
Closer inspection revealed it to be actually just two forks with one
upside down, but for that one split second, I was finally content. And
it was really dullp Being content that is.
As you most likely haven't noticed, this was originally written in red
ink. It was writtten in red ink, as I am/ was at my friends house and I
have/had the urge to share my fork of two ends tale with you. That is
my green notebook whom I am/was currently writing in. This notebook was
mentioned in my first ever entry.
I doubt very much that this (red ink scribble here.) ink could
possibly be blood. That's how much I trust my friend. I completely
don't think that the fourteen people and or small animals she killed
was to harvest the blood to use as ink. How many people can say they
have a friend that they trust that much. Wow, these blood fumes sure do
nauseate.
I doubt that very many people know this tip for showing your better
side. What you do is: get a photo of someone who is very nice looking,
cut them up (seperate the legs, arms and head from the body) then,
stick the legs onto your legs and the arms on your arms and the head on
your head and the torso on your torso. Presto! Gorgeous looking person
made easy. I would advise doing the same for the back of you and choose
the right gender. Don't want to confuse anyone, now then, do we?
I slept ower a friend of mine for the past two nights, so have been
gotten less sleep than I normally do, so I hope I can get lots of sleep
before the week long camp that I am going on, which I have been told,
you get very little sleep from.
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I keep my embroidery cottons in an old coffee jar (hopefully mum
doesn't mind that I stole one of her jars). This is pretty good. It
gets better though. They now smell faintly of the coffee inside them.
This next part involves questions, so will the pregnant women and those
that are faint of heart leave. Come at the **'s. ** I do not take any
responsibilities for bad reaction to this. Is this a good thing? Are
coffee smelling embroidery cottons really that good. Is it worth it?
And if I were to put a coffe flavoured embroidery thread in there,
would the world explode from all of the coffeeness? Should I put a
warning out on national television? Warning: we are under threat! The
coffee meter is about to implode, resulting in the world exploding. So
everyone, for the sake of everything, don't give into the temptation of
putting coffee flavoured embroidery cottons into old coffee jars, the
humorous, yet deadly results are not worth it. Obviously. No one would
be alive to laugh. They would just glower. If they were alive.
To make yourself look skinny, but not be dead, you really should
either wear really tight clothes or really lose clothes. If you wear
tight clothes, you have the advantage of it pulling in all of your
weight. This will, of course, end up destroying your muscles, but, hey,
is that really such a bad thing? The downside to this is not the
muscles losing strength (who needs strong muscles), but the risk of the
clothing bursting. That could be awkward. Especially since your muscles
now have so little strength.
The other option was: loose clothing. It means that no one can tell how
fat you really are. The downside to this is that people will assume
your obese. But hey, that means that society has grown more
unflattering abut assumtions. This is an important piece of
information. I'm sure we can use this to our advantage is some way.
I have invented perfection. This object shall be used until the end of
time. It shall never grow old, it shall never grow useless. It can
never be replaced or improved upon. It is, essentially, a hot pink
hairbrush and fan hybrid. It can be use to brush ones hair, then (this
is the clever part) the fan can dry off the hair and cool off the
person at the some time! It is pure brilliance. My only fear is that
one day, some one will make a cheap ripoff: A blue hairbrush and fan
hybrid. Disgusting, tasteless piece of junk. I will have to add some
kind of device that makes the said hybrid capable of destroying any
competiton. Also those really annoying clips that will not close on my
hair becaus I have put too much hair in it! They are so annoying.
Today I woke up, had brekky, showered, went on the computer, watched
some TV, met Geoff, saw Narnia, went to the shops, had dinner went on
the computer, typed this up. All without talking.
Wow, mimes are really annoying. I mean how many people born with the power of speech decide to abuse it? Just the bloody mimes.
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It is the day before the day before New Year and emotions are running
high and tempers are thin. I am feeling much better, thanks to the
disgusting medicine I had to take. I think it was just chalk and water.
It was also incredibly hard to take, a spoonful had to be put into my
mouth to be swallowed with only a spoon supporting it. But I prevailed
and am now much better. I think my stomach was just doing a clean out
for New Year. I always told it you could never have too many clocks,
but I guess it felt otherwise. Oh no, you don't think we're going to be
divorced?! I love my stomach so, I am always sending it presents. Maybe
it's jealous of my lungs, I mean I can barely go for a minute before I
feel the overwhelming urge to send it another present, but I am always
for getting to give old Clarence it's presents! I am constantly
grateful that my heart is not so obsessive about presents as I always
just let the others give it their hand me downs. Poor little Heather,
working her little muscles and tissues out. Pumping little blood cells
around, like the miracle worker she is. I love you heather. I also love
that great big lump that keeps me together. What would I do without
you? Yes, most likely splurt out everywhere. You're so clever. And I
love what you've done with your new apartment, it looks fab. Well, you
know what they say, a couple of throw rugs and you could call it home.
And you did. But what is a throw pillow and why does it make you so
compulsive toward calling a lump of inanimate objects stuck together
home? You and your silly lumps of inanimate things that you call home.
Remember pookie? Or was that a dream?
In all of my (metaphorical) years of experience, I have found that
really nice shoes are a good distraction. I don't mean the shoes that
you see and go, 'Nice.' I mean the ones that everyone can detect on the
shoe radar over three kilometres away. These shoes have got to be tops.
They have to have at least five degrees in the most advanced things,
things that most people cant even pronounce, they have to have six or
seven rare artistic degrees, they have to have style, sophistication,
modesty, charisma, class as well as being very happy in their married
life, they have to help the poor and have 2.5 children on the way. Or
they can be red. Either or really. It's just a matter of opinion.
Today I watched more TV, played the Sims 2 for a bit, went online, went
shopping. It was a good day. Until the giant clam attacked and yelled
at the earth about how it still loved her and how they could moke it
work and how their children needed to know about their heritage and how
the boys needed a clammy father figure.*
*Note: this last sentence is a lie to make me look good. I am sorry to
have been such a bad model for the children
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Well it's two days from New Year and I'm sick. Blerg. I don't want to
end or start a year being sick, because then all you can say is you
were sick all year. And how's that going to look? You are given less
than one hundred years to live and you waste one being sick. It doesn't
matter if you did anything else, being sick has tainted the year. "I
finished a ten year university course and can now earn three million
dollars a year, I married the love of my life and gave birth to a
record 28 kids, I saved an entire country from a horrible fate
and I found out the meaning of life." "Yes, but you were sick all
year." Does anybody realise how easily this problem could bu fixed? By
changing it from having the first day of the year right after the last
day of the year. Don't they understand how the first and last days of
the year a mere split seconds apart? What were they thinking? Not much,
that's what.
Today was okay, watched a lot of TV, which is becoming a habit for me.
We had some milk which was on the turning point (Between off and... on,
I guess) I had some with my cereal and then, about a half-an-hour
later... yoghurt. Good thing I don't believe in soggy cereal. I also
half made some friendship bracelets. Maybe I should sell them. It might
possibly make me rich and what's better that a regular Elizabeth? A
rich Elizabeth! Also ice.
Another thinining trick: wear mirrors. Everybody's too busy looking at
themselves to look at you, ya fattie! Also people can be incredibly
vain, so they will associate their good looks with you and poof! A
gorgeous person.*
*Side effects may include people who are insecure about their looks
thinking you are ugly. Also vampires might think you don't exist.
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This year for Christmas, I got a website. Not just any website,
but this website. You know www.allgirlsareobese.com, well, I am now the
proud owner of that website. Thank you Peter C. Hayward, who,
indecently, owns www.thechainsawblokes.com. We are the website owners.
Of those to websites, that is.
The website is named All Girls Are Obese.com because by todays
standards, everyone is fat or deathly thin. There is no in between. So
you're either fat or dead. Which is not a nice set of options. As well
as that, no one looks any good, unless you're in a magazine, but even
that's not natural. It's airbrushed.
I have decided to attempt to work out the best way to look good. So far
I've decided that that taller you are, the thinner you look. So,
logically, we should all start wearing stilts.
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Back to Christmas. For Christmas, I got many incredibly wonderful
gifts. Thank you to everyone who gave me a present, you made my day
present filled.
I got:
This brilliant website (Yay for Peter!)
An amazing oragami
calander. It's a rip out calander and each day you learn to make
something out of the previous
days page. (Thanks Mum, it's simply fantastic)
Two beautiful skirt, one
lime green, one purple, blue, black and white. (I love them Mum)
Some lovely embroidery cotton. (I know they were from you, William)
A very pretty purple tray. (Thankee parento's, namely mum)
A gorgeous silver charm bracelet. (I adore this, Mum)
A lunchbox, purple,
very useful. (Finally, my lunch has a place it is not ashamed to call
home.)
A very funny and lovely Vicar of Dibley,
season three. (Santa, you always have a way of knowing. I'm
sure I can
find it in my
heart to forgive you for mixing up the wrapping papers colours.)
Two very exact metres
of licorice. (The lunchbox bought me a present. I was
impressed)
A lime green covered notebook. (My skirt can now team with the theme.)
An assortment of lollies. (Santa is trying to fatten me up, I just know it.)
A blue boltbabe pencil
case. (I suspect there are a few dishevelled babies in there.)
The very first of the
nicely covered Obernewtyn chronicles. Obernewtyn was it's name. (Peter.
When will you learn.)
There was probably some other stuff, but I am far to busy to remeber more than that. Busy, busy, busy.
Our rellies came over, which was good.
It is far to hot to be typing, so bye.
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When I was younger, my friend said you lost weight when you sweated,
so she'd put hot, wet washers on my forhead, then weigh me. The scales
are amazingly still alive today. They live in the secluded village af
my bathroom floor, with their niece, the sink, next to them and their
grandkids the two wall hanging bins above them. They eagerly await the
day when they get to meet them. Please, kids, give them a call.
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